Once again, absent for a while from the WWW world.
This has been because, 1) I’m extremely busy with ulpan, and 2) I’m feeling ambivalent about social media.
I’m already a self-critical person, and I’m finally noticing that I doubt myself more when I’m on facebook. And to try to quell that self-doubt, I’m tempted to post glorious picture of Israel and wonderful self-praising statuses about how MUCH I’m learning and how GORGEOUS my life here is. Which may or may not be true, depending on your perspective.
So I’ve been avoiding the blog and facebook to see whether I can live without that outside affirmation. This is difficult for me, living outside my home country, because I’m tempted to communicate as much as I can with friends so that I won’t lose touch.
On the one hand, I want to maintain connections with my scatttttttered friends worldwide. On the other hand, shouting, “I’M HERE!” to the universe doesn’t make me more or less here, does it?
So that’s one thought. Now to my plans.
I’ve gotten a job as an aupair for a very kind family on a nearby moshav (a moshav is like a gated community, with schools and playgrounds and stores and a temple. Many Israelis call it “a kibbutz without communism.”). I’m very happy, because it will let me do everything that I want. It’s well-paying, I’ll have the middle of the day free, I get to practice Hebrew and play with the kids, and I’ll get to use the family’s car. (One of the most annoying things about being new to a country is lack of personal transportation. It can get very expensive and time-consuming to use only public transport, which, as well, doesn’t reach every destination.) I’ll also have my own apartment on the moshav, and I can visit Dave on the kibbutz and surf during my free hours.
I’m quite happy! And yet, being almost 24 (in August) and comparing myself with my friends (damn you, Facebook), I feel like I should have a more career-oriented job. But the fact is, I don’t have a career. I’m still figuring out what I want that do be, and in the meantime still accomplishing my other personal goals (mastering Hebrew and learning about the Middle East being two large goals of mine).
But convincing yourself that you, on your own, are enough is difficult, isn’t it?
Still, I’m approaching the end of the ulpan with satisfaction and excitement. My life is changing massively again! How exciting! I was feeling a bit stale here, following the same pattern for 5 months.
Now I get to stretch my legs again and see where they get me.