GIMME MY BALLOT

Dear Iraqi bureaucrats,

Your lack of temporal awareness is often charming, funny, and relaxing. I have learned not to rely on an Iraqi clock. This region operates differently.

But sometimes you gotta jive with other countries. Other regions don’t share the same lackadaisical view of the minute hand as you do. And, you know, expats do live in Iraq, especially as the north is getting more prosperous. So you gotta make concessions, meld a little bit, adopt a slightly different way of thinking.

What I’m saying is: GIVE ME MY ABSENTEE BALLOT, ASSHATS.

The Oregon Secretary of State claims to have sent it on September 21st. And I’m inclined to trust her, as American mail doesn’t often get lost.

UNLESS IT’S SENT TO IRAQ.

While I don’t mind the languid hours waiting in an Asaish office or watching a 10-minute cab drive turn into a 30-minute winding adventure, this is one issue I am NOT flexible on. My ballot should be here by now, and I’m not going to refrain from voting simply because I’m 7,000 miles away. I’m watching the debates, I read Politico and Al Jazeera daily (when the internet’s working). I’m an informed voter. This voting thing, it’s going to happen, one way or another, and your lack of infrastructure isn’t going to stop me. But even though I’m going to find a way to vote, it doesn’t mean I’m not pissed.

Don’t screw with my right to vote.

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